Broken

 This precious child is killing me!

In the months after we brought Sophie home, BJ and I were so blessed to not have many sleeping issues. Granted I had prayed for 13 years that God would give me children that are good sleepers but since most people mocked me for such a brazen prayers I was pretty shocked when that was what I got.
Within a few weeks of getting home and getting settled Sophie would go down for naps and at night with little more than a whimper to let us know she didn't like us leaving, then settle in for a good night sleep. From time to time she would cry at night but she usually settled herself before we could even get to her crib. By spring Sophie would tell us "nigh, nigh" as we walked out the door, it was delightful, but then BJ left.
 Sophie has been and is a great sleeper and I am incredibly grateful, but since he left she no longer says "nigh, nigh" to me as I leave, she cried hysterically.
We can get through our entire bedtime routine without so much as a whine, I can even put her in her crib without drama, but the moment I take a half step toward the door she is on her feet arms stretched in air grasping and screaming for me. Every single time for almost 4 months, I feel broken.
Believe me I have tried everything (okay everything but one). I have tried rocking her to sleep. It worked great the first time but the next time she would not close her eyes cause she knew I would put her in her crib and leave once she fell asleep. I put her in her crib then sat in her chair so she could see me until she fell asleep. Same thing, it worked great once but then she was onto me and refused to fall asleep. I have tired every combination of staying and leaving, and the best I can do is get her calm enough that she cries when I leave but is not hysterical. And for the cry it out people, I have tried that too and yes consistently for several days and still nothing has changed.
Like I said I have tried everything that I know to try except one. I have not moved my bed into her room and I don't take naps with her. I love her intensely and it breaks my heart to hear her cry but I cannot allow her to dictate when I go to bed and where. I am the mom.
So here I sit, frustrated, hurting and just plain sad, that since her daddy left going to bed has been so hard for our daughter, which in turn makes it hard for me. I wish in life there were always simple solutions but the truth is life is about perseverance, not ease. So tonight I will pray for strength, patience and wisdom and that soon I will once again here "nigh, nigh" as I leave Sophie's room. 

Some Odds and Ends to our Trip

We stayed at the Westin in down town Atlanta, which happens to be the tallest hotel in the U.S. (or the western hemisphere, I forget). It is 75 floors and we stayed on the 32nd, which had a great view and a wall of windows. Sophie LOVED the window and when we were in our room she spent most of her time walking behind the curtains, sitting on the little ledge along the floor or with her sweet fact pushed up to the glass. It was so funny.My nephew, Bren on the other had walked over to the glass, looked down once and never really got that close again.

Bren did get a huge kick out of the robe hanging in the closet. When we were hanging our (like during nap time) he was chilling in the robe. I think I know what I'm getting him for Christmas this year.

 Speaking of Bren, I just have to say that bringing him was the smartest thing I could have done. He was so helpful. The poor kid carried everything from the pack n play, suitcase, and toy bag, to the DVD player and all his own stuff. All I ever had to carry was Sophie and my purse (for some reason he was less enthused about carrying my purse). I did try to help carry but he always insisted. He also kept the room key in his pocket so I didn't have to digging through my diaper bag/ purse every time we went to the room. He was polite and friendly with all of Sophie's sisters and there families, and best of all he was wonderful with Sophie. He played with her, if she fussed he would try to figure out what she needed. He tickled her, played games with her. He taught her tons of new words (all good ones by the way). He held her, helped feed her, watched her so I could have a quick conversation, he walked around with her, held her hand, made her laugh. I could not have asked for a better traveling companion.

I have loved Bren since the moment he was born. He and I have had some amazing trips together, and done a lot of really fun things, but watching him with my daughter is a treasure I will store in my heart forever.

A few pictures of the view from our room. We could see the CNN building, the Georgia Dome, Centennial Park, World of Coke and the Aquarium. It was quite a view.

It was beautiful at night too. I think I could enjoy spending a little more time in Atlanta (though maybe in September or October)



Atlanta Part 2

What an awesome day!

It started out strangely familiar. Sophie, Bren and I got up, got ready and went down to breakfast. Soon Mariah, Sloan and her parents showed up, then in came Susan, Sam, Lily and Mary Catherine. After hugs we all sat down near each other and chatted. The funny thing was that it felt just like we were having our breakfast in China again! Of course the girls have all grown so much and the conversations were all about parenting, development and attaching, but it felt so comfortable, like we had all been together just yesterday for breakfast...just like we were still in China together.

After breakfast we met up with 3 more families. After more hugs and tons of catching up (and of course lots of pictures) we went to the Atlanta Aquarium.

 Brendan was such a great sport all day. He was so polite, friendly and SOOOOOO helpful. He and Sophie really enjoyed looking at all the fish. It was a pretty impressive aquarium.

 After naps we meet in the lobby for some play time. It was so amazing to watch the girls play together. They all got along so well. Of course there was a little push here and a toy stealing there but there was never any actual fighting, no crying, or screaming, just lots of giggles and smiles. It was so awesome and truly the reason we came. We want our kids to grow up together. To be sisters and to look forward to time spent together so that they can rely on each other. When no oneelse (mom and dad) understands how it feels to be Chinese in our (in most cases) very white worlds they have each other. This "family" is vitally important for the girls...and for us too. The shared experience, the trials of parenting, attaching, and rude people, bond us, but even more we actually like each other. We are so blessed.

After play time we went to dinner. Sophie and Lily sat together. They colored, shared books and danced through the meal. They might not remember this weekend but I know it is a beautiful foundation we are laying together.

Tomorrow we all go our separate ways and though its sad that none of us really live close, we are already talking about next years reunion. God is so good. 



Atlanta Part 1

Sorry no pictures, I'll post some tomorrow

When we traveled to China to get Sophie we were blessed with the most amazing travel group. There were 13 families that travel together. Of the the 13, 9 of our children came from the same orphanage, which is so wonderful, but all of us became family.

We have a private FB page so we can discuss openly things about our children, issues that may arise, encourage, and support each other and really just get to watch each other's children grow and blossom. Its been wonderful. We also decided that we needed to actually get together at least once a year. This year is Atlanta...in August!

After much discussion BJ and I decided that Sophie and would drive (its like 13 hours) so I wouldn't have to worry too much about packing. Yeah the Mini is small but its so much better then trying to carry all this crap on an airplane. Plus we figured if Sophie go fussy or needed to get out and run around we could stop. I also really like driving, especially cross country. However whether I flew or drove I knew I was going to need extra hands, so my wonderful nephew Bren is along for the ride (and to be my pack mule : )

We left Wisconsin yesterday morning and after a quick stop at the Starbucks were on our way. Have I mentioned that Illinois is a ridiculously long and boring state? It was actually a great drive. Sophie did awesome, yeah she watched a ton of Yo Gabba Gabba but still she's quite the traveler. Bren sat in the back for part of the trip keeping Sophie giggling then moved to the front to keep me company. We stopped in Kentucky after a short detour to an outlet mall to look for Stride Rite shoes for Sophia. Hey my girl loves shoes!

This morning we didn't rush to much, got a little lost trying to find a Starbucks but were well on our way by 10a. We had planned a quick stop in Nashville to see BJ's cousin (who is always so wonderful to see), then back on the road to Atlanta.

We had planned on getting in about 6:30p but of course I completely forgot about the time change so though my timing was right but it was actually 7:30p.

We caught up with 3 or our families and though it was quick cause all of us were tired and the girls were exhausted it was so great to see them. I have to laugh a little, when we walked up to two of Sophies "sisters" my outgoing, chatty, happy baby turned shy! She looked at the girls and clung to me. When she did let me put her down she wouldn't let go of my dress and even hid behind me. It was a little strange but at least she wasn't upset.

We have no idea if the girls remember each other. And if they did how that would look. They are after all babies and don't have the words to express memories. It will be interesting tomorrow when we actually get to spend time together to see how the kids do. Either way it is so important that they become friends.

I want Sophie to not just know that we aren't the only family that looks like this but I want her to have friends that share her history and have common lives.

Tomorrow promises to fun.

A Few Outings

 Yesterday Sophie and I took off for Wisconsin Dells to stay the night, spend some time with my brother and his family, to splash around at an awesome water park and to do a "test run" traveling before our big trip to Atlanta in a few weeks.

Sophie LOVES water and she had so much fun going from pool to pool to slide to waterfall. She even got her face in the water a few times and did just fine. Jordan and Terra even splashed around with my girl so I could hit a few of the big slides with Bren. We really had a great time and it was quite encouraging for our "big trip"

 Terra and Sophie in the wave pool. If the water hits my ankles more then 3 times I get motion sick so Auntie Terra had to hit the waves with my girl.

 How cute is that belly!

Last week Sophie and I went to the Madison Children's Museum. I have to say WOW! The museum is sooo cool and so much fun. Sophie loved it.

 Auntie Terra and Sophie in one of the doll huts.

 Sophie loves to drum!

 Sophie and her cousin Mercy had so much fun together.

Just the two of us.

The Zoo

All of Sophie's cousins on my side of the family got together today at Henry Villas Zoo. Its a pretty small zoo but its possibly my favorite. I've been coming to this zoo since I was little, and my mom before me. This year is its 100th birthday which is saying something since it is a FREE zoo.

This was Sophie's first visit and though she did enjoy seeing some of the animals (she roared when we walked passed the lions) it was hanging out with her aunts, Grandma and cousins that was the highlight for her. 

BJ and I have 1 niece and she and Sophie get along so well (most of the time). They held hands for part of the day.

Even Brendan came, though he was much less excited about it then the little kids. But he was a great sport and helped with his younger cousins and played with Sophie at the park for a while. She loves to lead him around.

Aren't the girls adorable trying to hold hands?

Auntie Terra was a big help.

Auntie Megan was getting some Sophie time too.



Tea With Daddy

About a week ago one of Sophie's aunts gave her an adorable Tea set. The tea pot sings a few songs (that are extremely polite by the way) it makes bubbling and pouring sounds, and came with 2 cups and a tray with 3 little goodies on (a circle, triangle and square). Since she got it, every morning when Sophie gets up finds the cups (which she likes to either stack or try to carry with one hand) and pours the 2 of us tea. Its so cute. If I turned off the sound the night before, she will say "peese! peese!" and I will turn the sound on so she can pour the tea.

Yesterday one of her great aunts gave Sophie a Belle doll (Beauty and the Beast) and she came with a sweet Tea set too. More bubbling tea pot sounds, 2 little cups (1 is Chip from the movie), this one came with 2 plates a fork and spoon and a cupcake.

Together Sophie now has service for 4!

Another gift she got yesterday (possible the best gift ever) was a "Daddy Doll". BJ had his full length picture taken with a white background and sent it to this wonderful company that made him into a doll!

The moment I handed it to Sophie she yelled "dadda!" and gave it kisses (then she chewed on his head a bit : )

Yesterday was a really busy day so Sophie didn't have much time to play with her "daddy" but this afternoon Sophie decided to have some tea. I had cleared off a little table we have for her and set the tea sets up, when it occurred to me that we had service for 4 so I asked Sophie if she wanted to have tea with daddy, she of course thought that was great. It wasn't long till she was pouring him tea, giving him bites of cupcake or other treat, and randomly giving him kisses.

It was utterly adorable (if not a bit sad too), after a while we added Belle and the 4 of us had a really lovely tea.

Tonight before bed Sophie, "daddy" and I curled up on the couch and watched a little Yo Gabba Gabba (he most favorite show). It was hard to not cry while my sweet Sophie cuddled up with and kissed her "daddy", I know that more then anything daddy wants to be here instead of his doll, but I think its gonna be a pretty good substitute...I wish I had one.

"Daddy" loved Tea time.

Sophie loves pouring tea for everyone, I'm pretty sure Belle enjoyed the tea too.

Yep that's Sophie giving "daddy" a bite of her cupcake.