Thwarted

If only this was how Sophie looked last night while we started driving to Wisconsin.

Yesterday afternoon we left for 10 days in Wisconsin, this morning we drove back to Virginia.
Sophie hasn't been for a long car ride since December 3rd. Apparently she has a 2 hour limit right now. She just completely refused to fall asleep in her car seat no matter how tired she was, instead she screamed. After 6 hours and trying everything to get her to calm down and sleep we stopped for the night. It was a less then restful night sleep and we knew that we would not make it to Wisconsin, so we turned around and drove the 3 hours home (yes it took us 3 hours to cover the same distance it took us to travel 6 last night).
The trip had been planned since we got home with Sophie back in December. It had been postponed once already (BJ couldn't get off work), but the truth is BJ and I have been looking forward to this trip home (to Wisconsin) for 13 years.
In all our years of 1st trying to get pregnant then waiting for the adoption to be complete BJ and I shared a dream. We have so long looked forward to going home to share our child with our family. To finally see the look of pride and joy on the face of our parents as they held her, to see the love and excitement of our siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins, for our families to share our joy. After all they have been waiting with us this whole time, how fun would it be to really rejoice with them!
We were in Wisconsin for 3 days after we got back from China, but BJ and I barely remember it. We were so exhausted, jet lagged, and overwhelmed that the trip isn't much more then a blur, and Sophie was equally as exhausted and utterly confused and frightened buy all the changes. Our families didn't get to see the "real" Sophie, she is so funny and chatty, such an active toddler, the baby they meet was quiet and immobile. She was adorable and sweet, but we want them to see the real her.
So turning back was more than disappointing it was painful. I have no idea when we will get home to see our families, (we have a high maintenance dog that doesn't fly to match our baby who doesn't like long drives) and that is so sad to me, but I am so proud of BJ and I for choosing Sophie's needs over our own (very strong) desires.
Sophie needed us to stop driving. She was so upset about being strapped down for so long, about not being able to be held (though I did a few times), about not understanding what was happening. The last time she traveled she was being taken from the only life she new to a new life, for all I know she might have thought we were taking her back. She was hysterical and she needed us to choose her over our plans.
She did better on the trip home this morning, but about the 2.5 hour mark she again became hysterical (thankfully we were almost home). BJ and I are exhausted and yes disappointed, but as we played with our little girl this afternoon and heard her giggle instead of scream, we knew we made the best choice.
I don't know when we will get home (to Wisconsin, yes both here and there are home), it might not be till summer. And maybe BJ and I will have to let go of the dream of watching our families Oooo and Ahhhh over our little girl (we totally recognize the pridefulness of this dream), but the day will come when we will get to share our joy with them and when ever that is it will be sweet.